Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Jesse Clay

Grandma's Little Man

Jesse is the first of my Grandchildren. He was born on April 29th 2006. He was definely a surprise. He was born 2 months early at 32 weeks and weighed 4 lbs. He stayed in the NICU for 2.5 weeks. He was not born under the most desirable circumstances, something he will never know. He is loving and amazing and fun and so special.

Jesse lived with me the first 7 months of his life. Those first few months of his precious life were absolutely the most bitter/sweet months of my life. I am sure that I cried and laughed almost every day. I just loved him so much. I was happy to have him, but was so sad for him. I tried and tried to sing "A child's Prayer" to him and I could never get through it. I had amazing faith at this time, it was the only thing that got me through. But, I could not help but wonder "Heavenly father, are you really there"? My heart was broken. I absolutely wanted the very best that he could possibly have in his life and on this earth, and I was the only one that could give him that. I prayed and prayed, and I absolutely knew that the greatest gift I could give him was a Mom and a Dad. I was not that, I was his grandma. What child wants to be raised by his grandparents?

This is not what I wanted. I wanted to kiss him, and hug him everyday. I wanted to buy all his cute boy clothes and make him a room of his own. But I knew that what I wanted and what was best for him was not the same thing. This was torture for me. This was part of why I cried every day, and why my heart was broken, I couldn't deny what I knew in my heart.

Now to backtrack to when he was still in the NICU. I visited him daily. The nurses treated me as if I were his mother, and some thought I was. I fed him and bathed him and diapered him. Of course it was love at first site. During this time I received a phone call from my sister-in-law, April. Sometime during our conversation she said that my brother Brian came to her and said something like "you know how we have not been able to get rid of some of our baby stuff? I think this is why, I think we are supposed to adopt Jesse". I remember hearing this and being split right down the middle. This sounded right to me, but wait a minute, I love this baby with all my heart, how could I possibly do this. This was something I had to seriously think about. Although I knew then, it took me a couple of months to actually say the words, and then to make the phone call. Like I said it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. So after filling out lots of paper work and having home inspections and taking classes and interviews (everything I had already done) it was time to move him to my brothers house. But, wait I wasn't ready. I was a total mess. I remember that October sitting in fast and testimony meeting and a member got up to bear her testimony. She said a few things, but the only thing I remember her saying was "I know that the lord heals our hearts". I knew then that that was how I was going to be able to do this. I had been praying for peace, and that day I knew it would come. Two weeks later on October 15th I packed up all of his stuff, videoing the entire day, and we went to my brothers that night to share family home evening, and didn't bring him back home that night.

His adoption was final just a few days before he turned one. He was blessed and sealed to his new family and had his 1st birthday party all in the same day. It was amazing to be able to hold him at the alter as he was sealed to his parents for time and all eternity.

Jesse is amazing. I love him so much. I am still his Grandma and I get to see him anytime I want. Of course now I have to share him with other grandparents, which was hard for me at first. But I have adapted to his new life, even though I miss him every minute he is not with me. He loves to spend time with me, and he spends the night at grandmas often. I am very grateful for the opportunity to know him, love him and to share him.

Jesse is 2.5 years old now and is very tiny for his age, he only weighs 20 lbs. He loves to play with his brothers and sister. And he loves and adores his aunts. Jesse is obsessed with the vacuum. Even when he lived at my house it was noticeable that there was something about the vacuum. He says "Ga-ma vacuum" then moves on to "Morgen vacuum", "Kennah vacuum", strange but sweet. Jesse sometimes seems more like a tiny young man rather than a toddler. He is very sweet and polite. We love him sooo much!!

Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker